i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my being single is dangerous.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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