cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
