Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
