my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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