So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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