11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
