Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
