fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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