Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize