He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
