Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
