you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
