Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
