Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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