My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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