Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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