Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
