Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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