I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize