he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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