So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Two words: nipple clamps
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