dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
