I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
