Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
