So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
