I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
