No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize