Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
