Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
