omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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