to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
