I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
