Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
