i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
