guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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