I got chris browned last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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