Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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