I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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