You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
