I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
