Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
