If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize