i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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