drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My balls are so social today.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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