So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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