maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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