Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
