I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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