you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
