just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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