He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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