if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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