when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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