4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
