I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
