You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
