Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
