haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
