Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
