I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
