so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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