You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
