At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
