im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
