the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
