Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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