She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
