I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
