I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it was like his penis was on wheels.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this hospital has no fireball
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
