she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
