I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
