Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just threw up on my dentist
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he thought i was a dude.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
