Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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