Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
