Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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