That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have demons in me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
