you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize