i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
