Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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