I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
