I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize