your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
