I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
