Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize